The Perfect Whore

[mc, mf, md, hu]

((The second and last request by JN. The two concepts that brought it to life were “limericks” and “rodents of unusual size”. I think this is the strangest thing I’ve ever written in the MC genre.))


What Dr. Melinda Gore possessed in terms of scientific prowess, she unfortunately failed to have as a person. Deep within the laboratories of InDream, one of the most successful companies of genetic engineering to have surfaced in Europe over the last decade, she carried out all sorts of strange researches from atop a marble pedestal and it was quite common of her to look down and make fun of her peers, under the pretence of being funny.

There wasn’t a single soul in the facilities that didn’t know her ‘weapon of choice’ by now. She liked to annoy others with limericks galore and, surprisingly, she never seemed to run out of words or repeat herself. No one was safe from her appalling humour, but there was one unlucky person who seemed to be her favourite target.

His name was Seth Collins, and they knew one another for over fifteen years, having met when they were competing for the same scholarship. Most outsiders viewed their relationship as a love/hate thing, but they were dead wrong, as there was really no room for positive feelings whatsoever between the two. Everything came down to mutual despise in the end yet, unfortunately, they were forced to work together.

Our story began on a regular work day, more precisely at the moment she saw him arrive at the laboratory, his face partially hidden under a mountain of facial hair. That was all she needed to blurt:

“There was an old man with a beard,
Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!
Two owls and a hen,c Four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’”

“Seriously, Gore?!” he smirked. “Quoting Edward Lear’s Book of Nonsense first thing in the morning? I think you’re losing your touch with that habit of yours!”

“Oh, believe me I’m not, Collins! It’s not my fault you look like a hermit who doesn’t know what a razor is! I’m surprised they even let you inside the building….”

Seth glanced at her, evilly.

“I think you should worry about your overgrown mice instead of other people’s beards. If your latest experiment proves unsuccessful, I heard the men upstairs are ready to release you from your contract!”

“You were never a good liar….”

“Compared to you, I’m nothing but an amateur, that’s for sure! I don’t know how you managed to convince everyone to support your crazy project, but since your results so far have been less than encouraging, I’m pretty sure your state of grace is almost over. I’m so going to love seeing you get kicked out of here!”

Melinda paid him no attention and focused her attention on the three big cages next to her working area. The denizens of such metal prisons were her most ambitious project, a group of unusually large rodents that had been receiving a combination of hormones and splices of recombined human DNA on a daily basis, in an effort to create a new breed of intelligent pets.

Though the proceedings had their fair share of ethical dilemmas attached to them, there was no doubt that a lot of money could be gained if the enterprise proved to be successful, and that was the only reason why the Board of Directors had decided to approve her research. The language of insurmountable profit was the only one the big guns understood.

Of the two dozens of guinea pigs initially selected for the process, only six of them were still alive after two months of tests. Some of them had collapsed due to toxicity induced by the serum injected; others had gone on a violent rampage all of sudden, mauling themselves, and a couple more had simply dropped dead one day without any apparent reason and the subsequent autopsies hadn’t help clear the doubts, either.

Melinda didn’t want to admit that things weren’t going according to planned, but that was indeed a fact. Of course, she also knew Seth was blowing things out of proportion with his warnings about her ultimate demise in the company. He always did that on purpose to try to get to her nerves, his own personal retribution at her silly remarks.

“Make me proud”, she whispered and resumed her work.

The days went by without great results. After three weeks, only half of the lab rats remained and she started to feel her position becoming frailer. Instead of reciting idiotic limericks, Melinda began grumbling more and more, looking at charts and dosage schematics, trying to figure out what she had done wrong, but to no avail. The relaxing tea she used to drink everyday got replaced by black coffee and overtime became a necessity. In the meantime, Seth just laughed. He was certainly enjoying every moment of it!

Eventually, something came to happen that turned their worlds upside down. If you want to know what that is was, then please keep on reading:

* * *

It was a Friday night and everyone had left the facilities expect Melinda, still worked up about her ongoing failures. She reviewed last week’s progresses (or lack of them), drank two cups of a coffee in a row and sat down in her office, looking for sudden bursts of inspiration.

Those never came but, strangely enough, sleep showed up, uninvited. She yawned only twice before leaning against the chair and, next thing she knew, she was profoundly asleep.

She woke up sometime later due to some uncanny sounds coming in from the cage’s area. A male voice she couldn’t identify was chanting out loud:

“The mathematician Von Blecks
Devised an equation for sex,
Having proved a good fuck
Isn’t patience or luck,
But a function of Y over X.”

“Not bad, not bad” said someone else. “But how about this one?”

There once was a Queen from Bulgaria
Whose bush grew hairier and hairier
A Prince from Peru
Came up for a screw
And had to hunt her cunt with a Terrier.”

“Oh, that’s just bloody brilliant!” remarked a third element. “I have one as well. Listen up:”

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, ‘You’re a tight one’
She said, ‘Pardon my soul,
But you’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right one.’

Hysterical laughter ensued as curiosity took over Melinda. She stepped out of her office and moved towards the main section of the laboratory where the strangest thing she had ever seen was waiting for her:

There they were, out of their confinement spaces, one of them wearing sunglasses and sipping a Martini, another smoking a cigar and the last one holding an ice-cream in one of its front paws. Though she moved as soundlessly as possible, the lab rats didn’t take long to notice Melinda’s presence. The Martini lover was the first to greet her:

“How is it going, Miss Bore?”

“Her name is Gore, dumbass.” protested the one with the ice-cream.

“Seriously?! But she’s so uptight and all… Bore is definitely a better name!”

“Okay, I’m dreaming… This can’t be real!” acknowledged Melinda and pinched herself. The pain was intense, but everything remained the same. “What the…?”

“Well, well, Miss Bore thinks she’s dreaming… isn’t that funny?”

“I guess…. Speaking of funny, have you heard this one, folks?

A notorious whore named Miss Hearst
In the weakness of Men is well versed.
Reads a sign o’er the head
Of her well-rumpled bed:
‘The customer always comes first.’”

“Not your best effort, tonight!”

“What the hell is going on here?” Melinda shouted, her voice echoing in every empty room of the facilities.

The guinea-pig with a cigar blew a puff of smoke into her eyes:

“What do you think? Your project finally worked, that’s what!”

“That’s impossible!!!”

“See? What did I tell you? She’s definitely Bore material to me!” squeaked the spirit’s lover.”

Melanie sat down, completely befuddled. Under careful scrutiny by the three furry creatures, she tried the pinching solution one more time, but the results were the same as before.

“If this isn’t a dream, then I’m definitely hallucinating!” she concluded after some careful thought.

“Really?! Guess we’re going to have to prove you differently, then! Here, have one of these!”

She was given a flesh-coloured Popsicle that felt cold to the hands and had actual weight. Melanie shuddered at the fact, her eyes darting in every direction as if looking for a visible way out of the madness surrounding her.

“Just have a taste and you’ll understand everything, that’s a promise!”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The whole situation was preposterous and gave her a headache. What on earth was wrong with her mind? She looked at the Popsicle, then at the guinea pigs once more and finally reached a decision.

“Ah, screw it! Surely this can’t get any worse!”

It tasted… funny, yet funny things can be good too. She planned on giving it just a lick but, as she felt the coldness in her lips, she realized that not everything in her deranged view of things was bad. A simple bite rapidly gave way to a furious nibble and, as she stuffed herself with the exotic flavour, an overpowering voice whispered in her ears:

“That’s right, bitch! Suck it, suck it real hard!”

* * *

Seth Collins looked down at the delighted woman satisfying herself with his manhood. He was quite pleased as well, because the drug he had used to spike her coffee that day seemed to have done the trick perfectly. Though he had no idea what exactly she was seeing in her mind eye’s at the moment, the only thing that mattered was that, for the first time since they had met, the upper-hand was his and he was going to use it to the fullest. Melanie could very well be annoying and a Bore of a person when fully awake but, under the influence, she certainly qualified as the perfect whore.

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